Is it conceit that I want to post about my feeelings, my thoughts, my situation?
I feel like I don't care if someone reads yet I look at the pageviews.
I feel like it doesn't help to talk about your problems or how you feel but I write in this blog.
Falling asleep has been difficult. I wake up out of nowhere, earlier than I want.
I'm tired.
I don't feel like doing things.
No focus.
Just blerghyblaghyblagyblech
In a fog,
a mist
This is reminding of my "emo" years.
Full circle?
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Round
I sometimes want to tell my friends what is going on in my life, how I feel. I start to, either with thinking of doing so or texting it out. Then I erase it.
Telling them feels pointless.
Here is how it would go:
Me- I am depressed. This, this, this, this is going wrong with my life. I can't sleep. I can't focus. I want to cry but I can't. I can't eat. Partly because I don't have money to. But that is okay now because I have gotten assistance.
Them- O.. :( I'm sorry. If you want we can do something to take your mind of it. Have you thought about going to the doctor? What about taking this or that medication? It's going to be okay. This that and the other and more reassuring stuff. It'll be worth it in the end. It'll get better.
Me- Okay.
In the end I feel worse or the same. Because there isn't anything I can do really.
Take medication? I nurse. Yea there are stuff I can take but I don't want to have a dependency or it affect me in a bad way. I've taken antidepressants. Some made me batshit insane. Psychology/clinician? You can only say so much. Plus most times I feel my intelligence insulted, not that I'm ohsosmart just they take one approach to apply to everyone. And yea I've tried it.
I'd rather tell a stranger, going in with both of us knowing one another can't do anything for the other. And then we can go our separate ways, a fast-fading memory.
What could you do or say if someone says "I feel like giving up. I feel like I'm just on the verge of a breakdown."
Out of my mouth would come "Oh I'm sorry. what's going on?" or "I'm sorry. I'm here for you." But in your mind there could be a little of "um..." or "uh..." or "um.. omg.. :(" or "what can I say to that?"
This pain I have doesn't lessen with the release of words.
Telling them feels pointless.
Here is how it would go:
Me- I am depressed. This, this, this, this is going wrong with my life. I can't sleep. I can't focus. I want to cry but I can't. I can't eat. Partly because I don't have money to. But that is okay now because I have gotten assistance.
Them- O.. :( I'm sorry. If you want we can do something to take your mind of it. Have you thought about going to the doctor? What about taking this or that medication? It's going to be okay. This that and the other and more reassuring stuff. It'll be worth it in the end. It'll get better.
Me- Okay.
In the end I feel worse or the same. Because there isn't anything I can do really.
Take medication? I nurse. Yea there are stuff I can take but I don't want to have a dependency or it affect me in a bad way. I've taken antidepressants. Some made me batshit insane. Psychology/clinician? You can only say so much. Plus most times I feel my intelligence insulted, not that I'm ohsosmart just they take one approach to apply to everyone. And yea I've tried it.
I'd rather tell a stranger, going in with both of us knowing one another can't do anything for the other. And then we can go our separate ways, a fast-fading memory.
What could you do or say if someone says "I feel like giving up. I feel like I'm just on the verge of a breakdown."
Out of my mouth would come "Oh I'm sorry. what's going on?" or "I'm sorry. I'm here for you." But in your mind there could be a little of "um..." or "uh..." or "um.. omg.. :(" or "what can I say to that?"
This pain I have doesn't lessen with the release of words.
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