Finally after the 4-5 month hold-up waiting for the Honduran police to clear my husband's name, I have everything ready to move on with the DS-260 and the I-864.
I went to get a certified copy of our marriage certificate at the courthouse (to give to our attorney, which I later did, with everything else, signed papers, dooone.) When I handed my original to the lady, she said Oh this is cold!
Yes, cold like my marriage is left out to wait for the immigration process.
What I really said "Oh yeah it's cold outside."
4 months may not seem like a long time to someone who has no idea what I'm (or anyone else) is going through.
BUT REALLY IT IS DAMN TORTURE.
Try spending 4 months filled with anxiety on whether or not the police report (which will be a large factor on determining whether or not your spouse can file for a waiver to return to you, because if not you're SOL) will be cleared, anticipation on whether or not you'll hear word that day in order to continue on with this already difficult process, anger at the guy in some office down in Honduras who has earphones in his head probably listening to music (I did actually witness this when I visited) and taking his sweetass time, sadness that your husband wrestles keeping hope, rage that this time could have been spent submitting the needed forms then getting an interview and medical examination (was told the NVC part is 2-3 months) and then moving onto doing the I601 waiver. All that, every day.
THEN TELL ME HOW TIME ACTUALLY FLIES. (Answer: flies out of your ass in a quick, painful exit that leaves your entrails immediately following to smack on the cold concrete floor with a splatty smack.)
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Reform opinions
How terrible do you think it is to enter the United States illegally/without consent/undocumented?
Could you consider it on a smaller scale, a comparison, of trespassing on someone's property? Or trespassing somewhere you are not supposed to by law?
What do you think the punishment should be? What is reasonable to you?
Are these reasonable punishments to you?:
Being detained, (sometimes poorly treated), unable to see your family/friends
Have a $3,000 or $5,000 (real examples, there are other real amounts, I have experience w/ $3,000) bond to be paid-in-full to release you
Sent back to a place you might not have visited in years, 2-,3-,5-,10-years?
Wait in worry and anxiety for your family and yourself on whether or not you'll ever be back
A couple to a few thousand dollars spend on a lawyer
There are no guarantees.
A couple to a few thousand for the immigration paperwork/fees/etc.
Your family minus the income you made. Maybe they have to go on welfare now, lose your home, &/or lose the car.
Going from a place that international travel advisory is "Exercise normal security precautions" to "Exercise a high degree of caution; see also regional advisories"
From barely any WHO risk areas to Hep A, Hep B, Rabies, Dengue (CDC typhoid, malaria, yellow fever)
Comparison:
Let's say you trespassed
Then you get arrested and kept waiting, days-weeks, to hear a bond that has to be paid fully (no bail bondsmen) of $3,000. If not paid then they transfer you to a different facility to be held until they process you. (Say you live in Texas now but used to live in South Dakota 8 years ago) They send you back to South Dakota, where some of your family still reside. You have to restart your life there. You are not allowed to leave. You are banned for 10 years from going back to Texas, where your daughter is, or where your son is, or where your wife is, or where your husband is. They are allowed to try to get the ban waived but it takes time & money and it isn't guaranteed. Or maybe you had a bad past or misunderstanding where you were arrested, the ban is non-waivable. You have to wait in South Dakota. Your child sees pictures of you. Can video chat with you. Grows up only seeing you as an image on a screen. Instead of kissing your face, they kiss a hard glass screen.
Does it seem a bit much for your offense being that you trespassed illegally?
Also, don't you think they left their country for a reason?
Some reasons:
Didn't have shoes growing up
Can't afford anything
Always eating rice & beans
Mother had to put you in an orphanage for a year or so because she couldn't afford you
You get paid way less for jobs
Very hard to find a job
Since you had a hard life growing up, you had to quit school to work
No degree, then even harder to find a job
Violence, gangs, being targeted, threatened
Things to consider: (empathize this)
Daughter starts getting separation anxiety, she cries when you leave the room, she claws her way to you. She has trouble sleeping.
She at first looks around for her father. She can't find him. He's not there. Where is he? Where did he go?
She at first ignores when she sees her father on a screen of a phone or computer, she shakes her head no at the man who fathered her and loves her.
She is forced to be accustomed to her father being an image on a screen. She waves to his face ON A SCREEN. She kisses his image on the screen. A SCREEN.
The father doesn't experience her first anything; first steps (luckily not in our case), first words after mama & dada (dada: which she says less of now. she used to say it to him all the time), first (two) bites from another kid because your daughter had to be put in daycare because it is hard to afford a babysitter &/or your wife/her mother no longer can be a stay-at-home mom because she has to make money for everyone.
P.S.: "Oh, it hasn't been that long."
Oh, it hasn't? I didn't realize that not having a good night of sleep, having constant/insistent anxiety/depression/worry/uncertainty, watching your child lose touch with her father, struggling with money, facing family drama, for 3 months isn't that long. Please. Please share your experience with that in order to help me with my journey.
Could you consider it on a smaller scale, a comparison, of trespassing on someone's property? Or trespassing somewhere you are not supposed to by law?
What do you think the punishment should be? What is reasonable to you?
Are these reasonable punishments to you?:
Being detained, (sometimes poorly treated), unable to see your family/friends
Have a $3,000 or $5,000 (real examples, there are other real amounts, I have experience w/ $3,000) bond to be paid-in-full to release you
Sent back to a place you might not have visited in years, 2-,3-,5-,10-years?
Wait in worry and anxiety for your family and yourself on whether or not you'll ever be back
A couple to a few thousand dollars spend on a lawyer
There are no guarantees.
A couple to a few thousand for the immigration paperwork/fees/etc.
Your family minus the income you made. Maybe they have to go on welfare now, lose your home, &/or lose the car.
Going from a place that international travel advisory is "Exercise normal security precautions" to "Exercise a high degree of caution; see also regional advisories"
From barely any WHO risk areas to Hep A, Hep B, Rabies, Dengue (CDC typhoid, malaria, yellow fever)
Comparison:
Let's say you trespassed
Then you get arrested and kept waiting, days-weeks, to hear a bond that has to be paid fully (no bail bondsmen) of $3,000. If not paid then they transfer you to a different facility to be held until they process you. (Say you live in Texas now but used to live in South Dakota 8 years ago) They send you back to South Dakota, where some of your family still reside. You have to restart your life there. You are not allowed to leave. You are banned for 10 years from going back to Texas, where your daughter is, or where your son is, or where your wife is, or where your husband is. They are allowed to try to get the ban waived but it takes time & money and it isn't guaranteed. Or maybe you had a bad past or misunderstanding where you were arrested, the ban is non-waivable. You have to wait in South Dakota. Your child sees pictures of you. Can video chat with you. Grows up only seeing you as an image on a screen. Instead of kissing your face, they kiss a hard glass screen.
Does it seem a bit much for your offense being that you trespassed illegally?
Also, don't you think they left their country for a reason?
Some reasons:
Didn't have shoes growing up
Can't afford anything
Always eating rice & beans
Mother had to put you in an orphanage for a year or so because she couldn't afford you
You get paid way less for jobs
Very hard to find a job
Since you had a hard life growing up, you had to quit school to work
No degree, then even harder to find a job
Violence, gangs, being targeted, threatened
Things to consider: (empathize this)
Daughter starts getting separation anxiety, she cries when you leave the room, she claws her way to you. She has trouble sleeping.
She at first looks around for her father. She can't find him. He's not there. Where is he? Where did he go?
She at first ignores when she sees her father on a screen of a phone or computer, she shakes her head no at the man who fathered her and loves her.
She is forced to be accustomed to her father being an image on a screen. She waves to his face ON A SCREEN. She kisses his image on the screen. A SCREEN.
The father doesn't experience her first anything; first steps (luckily not in our case), first words after mama & dada (dada: which she says less of now. she used to say it to him all the time), first (two) bites from another kid because your daughter had to be put in daycare because it is hard to afford a babysitter &/or your wife/her mother no longer can be a stay-at-home mom because she has to make money for everyone.
P.S.: "Oh, it hasn't been that long."
Oh, it hasn't? I didn't realize that not having a good night of sleep, having constant/insistent anxiety/depression/worry/uncertainty, watching your child lose touch with her father, struggling with money, facing family drama, for 3 months isn't that long. Please. Please share your experience with that in order to help me with my journey.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Spiders
Is it conceit that I want to post about my feeelings, my thoughts, my situation?
I feel like I don't care if someone reads yet I look at the pageviews.
I feel like it doesn't help to talk about your problems or how you feel but I write in this blog.
Falling asleep has been difficult. I wake up out of nowhere, earlier than I want.
I'm tired.
I don't feel like doing things.
No focus.
Just blerghyblaghyblagyblech
In a fog,
a mist
This is reminding of my "emo" years.
Full circle?
I feel like I don't care if someone reads yet I look at the pageviews.
I feel like it doesn't help to talk about your problems or how you feel but I write in this blog.
Falling asleep has been difficult. I wake up out of nowhere, earlier than I want.
I'm tired.
I don't feel like doing things.
No focus.
Just blerghyblaghyblagyblech
In a fog,
a mist
This is reminding of my "emo" years.
Full circle?
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Round
I sometimes want to tell my friends what is going on in my life, how I feel. I start to, either with thinking of doing so or texting it out. Then I erase it.
Telling them feels pointless.
Here is how it would go:
Me- I am depressed. This, this, this, this is going wrong with my life. I can't sleep. I can't focus. I want to cry but I can't. I can't eat. Partly because I don't have money to. But that is okay now because I have gotten assistance.
Them- O.. :( I'm sorry. If you want we can do something to take your mind of it. Have you thought about going to the doctor? What about taking this or that medication? It's going to be okay. This that and the other and more reassuring stuff. It'll be worth it in the end. It'll get better.
Me- Okay.
In the end I feel worse or the same. Because there isn't anything I can do really.
Take medication? I nurse. Yea there are stuff I can take but I don't want to have a dependency or it affect me in a bad way. I've taken antidepressants. Some made me batshit insane. Psychology/clinician? You can only say so much. Plus most times I feel my intelligence insulted, not that I'm ohsosmart just they take one approach to apply to everyone. And yea I've tried it.
I'd rather tell a stranger, going in with both of us knowing one another can't do anything for the other. And then we can go our separate ways, a fast-fading memory.
What could you do or say if someone says "I feel like giving up. I feel like I'm just on the verge of a breakdown."
Out of my mouth would come "Oh I'm sorry. what's going on?" or "I'm sorry. I'm here for you." But in your mind there could be a little of "um..." or "uh..." or "um.. omg.. :(" or "what can I say to that?"
This pain I have doesn't lessen with the release of words.
Telling them feels pointless.
Here is how it would go:
Me- I am depressed. This, this, this, this is going wrong with my life. I can't sleep. I can't focus. I want to cry but I can't. I can't eat. Partly because I don't have money to. But that is okay now because I have gotten assistance.
Them- O.. :( I'm sorry. If you want we can do something to take your mind of it. Have you thought about going to the doctor? What about taking this or that medication? It's going to be okay. This that and the other and more reassuring stuff. It'll be worth it in the end. It'll get better.
Me- Okay.
In the end I feel worse or the same. Because there isn't anything I can do really.
Take medication? I nurse. Yea there are stuff I can take but I don't want to have a dependency or it affect me in a bad way. I've taken antidepressants. Some made me batshit insane. Psychology/clinician? You can only say so much. Plus most times I feel my intelligence insulted, not that I'm ohsosmart just they take one approach to apply to everyone. And yea I've tried it.
I'd rather tell a stranger, going in with both of us knowing one another can't do anything for the other. And then we can go our separate ways, a fast-fading memory.
What could you do or say if someone says "I feel like giving up. I feel like I'm just on the verge of a breakdown."
Out of my mouth would come "Oh I'm sorry. what's going on?" or "I'm sorry. I'm here for you." But in your mind there could be a little of "um..." or "uh..." or "um.. omg.. :(" or "what can I say to that?"
This pain I have doesn't lessen with the release of words.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Signed, Your Huddled Masses
My husband isn't with me. Not because he doesn't want to be. Not because I don't want him to be. Not because he is deployed. Not because he is deceased. Not because he is on vacation. Not because he is in jail or prison.
But because he is in the immigration system.
I hear them, "Illegals are criminals." Their crime being that they wanted a better life, the "American dream" without a ready, legal passageway. They say this in a country that was built by immigrants.
Written on our Statue of Liberty:
“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me:
I lift my lamp beside the golden door."
-Emma Lazarus
In contrast, the United States is almost revered as an exclusive club for those "worthy." Worth being boiled down to whether or not you were born on its land. Seems those bronzed words ring empty now.
For what they've done, crossing into "our" land. They are sentenced to be cast away pending further investigation/scrutiny/paperwork or none at all. Yanked away from their families. Yanked away from the life they built and had struggled to obtain.
Do you think they wouldn't have tried to become legal if they could? If it were that easy, don't you think they'd be able to have insurance, pay taxes, be accountable?
What test are you put through to become a citizen? Whether or not you were born.
We shouldn't HAVE TO wait for our husbands, our wives, our family. We shouldn't HAVE TO fret of their safety. We shouldn't HAVE TO worry whether or not they can even come back. We shouldn't HAVE TO have the run-around. We shouldn't HAVE TO have this stress.
Why, because a better system can't be figured out? Why, because "if it's not broken, don't fix it?" Why, because it's more complicated than that? Why, because just because?
Why don't you just go live there with them in Mexico/Honduras/El Salvador/ETC? Because it would just be that easy to uproot my family, my life, cut my ties, have enough money, move our possessions, become a citizen there, perhaps never see my friends or family again if I don't have money to make the trip to visit?
There isn't a good enough reason to justify the heartbreak or dull the pain.
Actions speak louder than words. But when all you have are words, you try to make them count.
But because he is in the immigration system.
I hear them, "Illegals are criminals." Their crime being that they wanted a better life, the "American dream" without a ready, legal passageway. They say this in a country that was built by immigrants.
Written on our Statue of Liberty:
“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me:
I lift my lamp beside the golden door."
-Emma Lazarus
In contrast, the United States is almost revered as an exclusive club for those "worthy." Worth being boiled down to whether or not you were born on its land. Seems those bronzed words ring empty now.
For what they've done, crossing into "our" land. They are sentenced to be cast away pending further investigation/scrutiny/paperwork or none at all. Yanked away from their families. Yanked away from the life they built and had struggled to obtain.
Do you think they wouldn't have tried to become legal if they could? If it were that easy, don't you think they'd be able to have insurance, pay taxes, be accountable?
What test are you put through to become a citizen? Whether or not you were born.
We shouldn't HAVE TO wait for our husbands, our wives, our family. We shouldn't HAVE TO fret of their safety. We shouldn't HAVE TO worry whether or not they can even come back. We shouldn't HAVE TO have the run-around. We shouldn't HAVE TO have this stress.
Why, because a better system can't be figured out? Why, because "if it's not broken, don't fix it?" Why, because it's more complicated than that? Why, because just because?
Why don't you just go live there with them in Mexico/Honduras/El Salvador/ETC? Because it would just be that easy to uproot my family, my life, cut my ties, have enough money, move our possessions, become a citizen there, perhaps never see my friends or family again if I don't have money to make the trip to visit?
There isn't a good enough reason to justify the heartbreak or dull the pain.
Actions speak louder than words. But when all you have are words, you try to make them count.
Monday, June 17, 2013
The actual shitstorm
Finally on step two of kajillion. I'm daunted. DS230 & I-864.
It's been said, don't say it can't get any worse because it will and then you'll kick yourself for having said or though it. But really. Listen to that advice.
Things going wrong:
Misael not here
Having to pay $230, plus $88 (then $585 later) plus $1000 for legal assistance
my neck hurts
starting my period on an already terrible day (yesterday)
parent's divorce agreement lawsuit, which will result in dadgetting arrested for not paying, and even if not then losing one of the houses or both.
dad decided to move to WA, which means he's selling the house (which I planned on moving out anyways) so safe to assume he won't be paying mom's mortgage, no way she can keep the house, then he wants me to help in selling of the house but I get to keep the money and sell his belongings
grandma hit tnt, tnt hit grandma back, dad hit tnt, tnt hit dad (possible broken nose) (Note: hit doesn't mean just once) Other family members that are visiting are frightened and most likely will never come back.
My babysitter can't watch my daughter anymore (in T-minus 11 days), must find new babysitter or put her in dreaded state child care
my plan to move in with my mom thwarted by the happening of previously said fight, and likelihood tnt moving in with mom
Going to live in my friend's living room, sounds worse than I feel but can't help feel worse by how it sounds
Need to sell my old car for money
Needing more hours at my work but not getting them (only granted 4 more hours, vs the 11-16 hours needed)
this pain in my neck (bad pun + repetition)
Having to figure out when/how to move (how: how am I going to move all my stuff?)
Uncle threatened to beat me up the other day (but he left and I think he took all my poptarts that damn smelly BASTARD)
It's been said, don't say it can't get any worse because it will and then you'll kick yourself for having said or though it. But really. Listen to that advice.
Things going wrong:
Misael not here
Having to pay $230, plus $88 (then $585 later) plus $1000 for legal assistance
my neck hurts
starting my period on an already terrible day (yesterday)
parent's divorce agreement lawsuit, which will result in dadgetting arrested for not paying, and even if not then losing one of the houses or both.
dad decided to move to WA, which means he's selling the house (which I planned on moving out anyways) so safe to assume he won't be paying mom's mortgage, no way she can keep the house, then he wants me to help in selling of the house but I get to keep the money and sell his belongings
grandma hit tnt, tnt hit grandma back, dad hit tnt, tnt hit dad (possible broken nose) (Note: hit doesn't mean just once) Other family members that are visiting are frightened and most likely will never come back.
My babysitter can't watch my daughter anymore (in T-minus 11 days), must find new babysitter or put her in dreaded state child care
my plan to move in with my mom thwarted by the happening of previously said fight, and likelihood tnt moving in with mom
Going to live in my friend's living room, sounds worse than I feel but can't help feel worse by how it sounds
Need to sell my old car for money
Needing more hours at my work but not getting them (only granted 4 more hours, vs the 11-16 hours needed)
this pain in my neck (bad pun + repetition)
Having to figure out when/how to move (how: how am I going to move all my stuff?)
Uncle threatened to beat me up the other day (but he left and I think he took all my poptarts that damn smelly BASTARD)
Monday, June 3, 2013
Shitstorm
Watering the dirt does no good if there aren't any seeds. But what if all you want to do is just water the shit out of it. Make mud and fling that at everything you don't want to look at. A mad mud mess.
Things to not say to someone with immigration problems (specifically deportation or voluntary departure of a spouse):
"When are he/she coming back?" Oh. well. Let me check the calendar. I don't fucking know!
"I thought you guys were married." or "You guys have a kid together." Yes. We are/do. AND?! It changes NOTHING! If it did do you think we'd be in the situation??
(After you tell them a VERY approximate amount of time this kind of shit takes) "Oh 6 months isn't bad! I thought it'd be longer." If it isn't so bad, why don't you try it? Please tell me how not bad it is.
"How are you?" If you ask this too many times, maybe one day I'll snap and really tell you how I feel. Keep trying if that's your goal.
"He/she shouldn't have been sent away. I think your lawyer messed up." Or that inferred you messed up. OKAY PLEASE TELL ME HOW YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT IMMIGRATION LAWS/ISSUES/CASES I'D LOVE TO HEAR
(In voluntary departure cases) "What did he/she get deported--" STOP RIGHT THERE. IT WASN'T DEPORTATION
"Be patient" OH IS THAT WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO? Like a friend said to me, we shouldn't have to wait for our family to be together.
I may be harsh here but in "real life" I am polite. I wouldn't really reply as above, unless I didn't like you in the first place or you pushed me a bit far. Yea I understand it's mainly ignorance driven. I didn't know immigration info before but I hold hope that I wouldn't have asked or said these things.
Things to not say to someone with immigration problems (specifically deportation or voluntary departure of a spouse):
"When are he/she coming back?" Oh. well. Let me check the calendar. I don't fucking know!
"I thought you guys were married." or "You guys have a kid together." Yes. We are/do. AND?! It changes NOTHING! If it did do you think we'd be in the situation??
(After you tell them a VERY approximate amount of time this kind of shit takes) "Oh 6 months isn't bad! I thought it'd be longer." If it isn't so bad, why don't you try it? Please tell me how not bad it is.
"How are you?" If you ask this too many times, maybe one day I'll snap and really tell you how I feel. Keep trying if that's your goal.
"He/she shouldn't have been sent away. I think your lawyer messed up." Or that inferred you messed up. OKAY PLEASE TELL ME HOW YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT IMMIGRATION LAWS/ISSUES/CASES I'D LOVE TO HEAR
(In voluntary departure cases) "What did he/she get deported--" STOP RIGHT THERE. IT WASN'T DEPORTATION
"Be patient" OH IS THAT WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO? Like a friend said to me, we shouldn't have to wait for our family to be together.
I may be harsh here but in "real life" I am polite. I wouldn't really reply as above, unless I didn't like you in the first place or you pushed me a bit far. Yea I understand it's mainly ignorance driven. I didn't know immigration info before but I hold hope that I wouldn't have asked or said these things.
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