Shitstorm

Watering the dirt does no good if there aren't any seeds. But what if all you want to do is just water the shit out of it. Make mud and fling that at everything you don't want to look at. A mad mud mess.

Things to not say to someone with immigration problems (specifically deportation or voluntary departure of a spouse):
"When are he/she coming back?" Oh. well. Let me check the calendar. I don't fucking know!

"I thought you guys were married." or "You guys have a kid together." Yes. We are/do. AND?! It changes NOTHING! If it did do you think we'd be in the situation??

(After you tell them a VERY approximate amount of time this kind of shit takes) "Oh 6 months isn't bad! I thought it'd be longer." If it isn't so bad, why don't you try it? Please tell me how not bad it is.

"How are you?" If you ask this too many times, maybe one day I'll snap and really tell you how I feel. Keep trying if that's your goal.

"He/she shouldn't have been sent away. I think your lawyer messed up." Or that inferred you messed up. OKAY PLEASE TELL ME HOW YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT IMMIGRATION LAWS/ISSUES/CASES I'D LOVE TO HEAR

(In voluntary departure cases) "What did he/she get deported--" STOP RIGHT THERE. IT WASN'T DEPORTATION

"Be patient" OH IS THAT WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO? Like a friend said to me, we shouldn't have to wait for our family to be together.

I may be harsh here but in "real life" I am polite. I wouldn't really reply as above, unless I didn't like you in the first place or you pushed me a bit far. Yea I understand it's mainly ignorance driven. I didn't know immigration info before but I hold hope that I wouldn't have asked or said these things.

Unvoluntary

Can't stop thinking about him leaving. What it will do to me. What it will do to her. What it will do to him. What it will do to us. There is nothing voluntary about voluntary departure. He is forced to leave. Immigration reform can't happen quick enough. There is too much to worry about in the same time period. Her first birthday. The immigration interview. His (in)volunatary departure.

These are important growing times for her. I would think at least. She's still learning a lot. But she will have to live with a father in a different country. Hearing him on the phone. A bodiless voice. Will she forget his face? Even skyping, will she connect that he is her father? That it wasn't his choice to leave us. That this isn't what having a dad normally is like. That normally he would be there to hug her, kiss her, love her. Will she see me sad/upset and wonder why? Will this mess her up? When (and hopefully not if) he comes back will there be alienation? Stupid irony, he is an alien here and will come back alien to her?

I worry about her first. Priority worry. First her, then him, then me. What if something happens to him? I hear it's dangerous. It's yellow on the travel list! Not that I know what that exactly entails.. but USA is green. Will I be able to send him money or only have enough for us here? He will be separated from us, missing us, feeling anxious, while I'm in the states trying to get him back. He says it's hard to find a job there. They don't get paid as well as people do here. What if his living arrangment falls through?

Am I going to become a recluse? Whenever you say "no", "no thanks", "can't make it out", "sorry I don't feel like it" to friends enough times, you fall off their list. Is that going to happen? I'll corner myself off? I don't want to but sometimes you can't do what you want. I have the most amazing best friends but it's understandable if it happens. They have their own lives and worries.

What if I start crying and can't stop? How can I function if I cry all the time? I have responsibilities.

A lot of what ifs, whys, questions. I'm not going to know until it's happening.